Some of you may know that I live with and take care of two disabled women. One is my wife and the other is our long time friend from high school who is terminally ill. Most days both of them can handle the little day to day tasks of caring for themselves and leave the more difficult jobs like cooking meals and taking care of the house to me.
Our friend suffers from kidney failure and has been on dialysis for many years. If you've seen pictures of the survivors of the Nazi concentration camps, that's the shape her body is in. She is extremely weak and can get hurt or catch a virus very easily. When things are going well, I have a little bit of time everyday to write. Lately, things have not been going well and I'm taking this opportunity to write a little something while sitting in the doctor's waiting room.
The last two weeks have been especially difficult as she had a kidney cyst rupture at the same time she caught some flu like bug. This means I have to stay close at all times as she is unable to get up, get dressed or go to the bathroom on her own. I also have to make sure she eats the meals I bring to her in bed.
She has always been a very independent person so being in this situation is very frustrating for her and sometimes that frustration turns into anger. I know the anger isn't directed at me, but sometimes I feel like maybe I'm not doing enough. I don't think either one of them realize how stressful this is for me. I had thought about finding a part-time job to help pay the bills, but now I'm not sure I can leave either of them alone for that long. If I wasn't able to lose myself occasionally while writing fantasy, I don't think I could handle the constant worry that one day I'll wake up and find one or both passed away. I have to say also that if it wasn't for my faith, I would not have made it this long.
Thanks for reading.