Renewing the Mind

 

This is another attempt to once again ride the writing horse that bucked me off years ago. The fact that people still read my blogs is humbling and has driven me to try and renew the habit.

My life has changed so much in the last couple of years, and not for the better. Maybe some of you might remember that I had open heart surgery five years ago. Due to the length of time with minimal blood flow to my brain, slight brain damage occurred removing my ability to write or remember any of the story lines I had stored in my head. I lost all confidence in my ability to critique others and actually started to hate reading. I wrote a few blogs in an attempt to kick start my writing it was so difficult that I gave up. The fact that I'm reduced to living on a meager fixed income doesn't help.

A little over a year ago, the light in my life went out when the woman I'd loved for over fifty years passed away with no warning in the middle of our conversation. That almost broke me. The grief and trauma of her death have lessoned so at least I can finally talk about it. The tears still flow, but I need to find another purpose for my life.

Not long ago I was telling my doctor how I felt and that I wished I'd never lost the memories of my stories. I really wanted to continue and finish the stories I'd started. What she said surprised me. She said that my memories were probably still there. Recent research has shown memories still exist after an injury to the brain, it's the pathways used to access those memories that are damaged. With work and patience, those pathways can be rebuilt or renewed. She encouraged me to try.

I spent weeks with my old notes and the books already written. I would read passages from the book and then write them out on a sheet of paper. I copied the names of the main characters over and over and then added their personalities. I was finally able to read the first books without getting frustrated as the story came back to life. I don't know how many of the memories have completely returned, but enough for me to feel confident in continuing the story. I returned to my critique group and they're glad to have me back. Beginning the habit of blogging again is another step in my goal of finding meaning in my life again.

I hope my story will give someone who's lost memory due to trauma of some kind the hope that their memories may still be there. It wasn't easy and gave my one hell of a headache for a couple days, but it was worth it.

Thanks for reading!