Yesterday I turned 65 and entered the final quarter (or less) of my life. To say I'm not where I planned to be at this stage in life is an understatement. Hopefully this won't turn into a pity party, but if there are others out there who have reached this point and are not happy then at least they will know they're not alone. Also for those of you who haven't reached this point, be aware that no matter how well you plan, when life hands you lemons and you make lemonade, sometimes that isn't good enough.
If there is one phrase that describes me the best, it's "Jack of all trades, master of none". I've always felt there wasn't anything I couldn't do, and maybe I could have reached master status in some of those things, but I always got bored and moved on to something new. I had three things going for me: excellent physical condition, above average intelligence, and attitude. An aneurysm destroyed the intelligence, medications and old age took away the physical condition, and depression finally robbed me of my attitude.
Unfortunately, the one thing I've never been good at is personal relationships or dealing with people. Part of that is because at an early age, I learned to develop a separate personalty for my public interactions with people. It was the only way I could survive in school and at work. The number of close friends I've had over the years can be counted on one hand. I was always afraid if I got too close, they would see past the public personality and discover the real me.
I have no idea what the future holds. Some of you may remember I do my best to take care of two disabled women in our home, and it's only by combining our three incomes we can afford to live here. If any one of the three of us pass away, the other two will be forced to move. The house payment is already much less than the average rent payment here so I don't know where they could move to. Every year as our fixed incomes stay fixed, and the cost of everything else rises, it gets harder to survive.
I'm having a difficult time finding anyone who will hire somebody my age, so the only thing I have left is my writing. This doesn't give me much hope as I'm such a slow writer, and everyone tells me it takes at least ten years and a substantial back list of available titles before I can expect to make any money. Oh well, what else can I do?
OK, I'll stop whining now. It's said that people like to read blogs about your personal life, so maybe folks will know me a little better after this.
Thanks for reading.