Many times over the last couple of years I've thought, I should just pull all my books and stories from Amazon, close down my writers group, and just play video games. Something I'm good at. But something inside me always railed against that idea. I've never been a quitter, and I'm not about to start now.
So about six months ago I decided no more excuses, start writing and stop whining. I choked out a couple thousand words over several weeks and hated it. Now I've always enjoyed my own writing because I write what I like to read, but this crap was terrible. I needed help! I sat down again a few months ago and wrote another chapter featuring a different character. I still didn't like it, so the characters weren't the problem.
I posted the first nine chapters I'd written almost four years ago plus the two new chapters to my critique group and asked them to compare the old and the new. Hopefully they could point out what I was doing wrong and how to fix it. I was convinced my writer's voice had changed and the flow was non-existent.
I'm still trying to wrap my head around what the group said. The majority saw no difference between them and some even thought the newer chapters were better written than the old. How is it possible that I could still write fairly well after all these years and why do I hate it so much?
It's like the part of my brain that enjoys doing things has died. I no longer enjoy reading or writing or any of the things I liked to do. At least now I know I know that my ability s still there, thanks to my group. Don't know if I'll ever truly enjoy writing again, but I won't give up. At my age and level of health, I've nothing else left.
Here is a little something from the last chapters. As always, thanks for reading.
After questioning the servants and searching the castle, the
Commander found Odessa high up in one of the towers. Without a word, he removed
the cloak from his shoulders and wrapped it around her. He led the Princess
back to the warmth of her own rooms and bid her a goodnight. He would never
know his single act of kindness was the one thing she needed to tip the scales
back to humanity.
