One of the drawbacks to a monthly critique with a sizable group of people is that they have a hard time visualizing what a particular writer is trying to accomplish with a larger project. It's easy to comment on a short scene or even a full chapter, but sometimes they lose sight of the overall story from the beginning. For example, the story I'm working on is complex with many characters and spread out over several countries. When I post later chapters for critique, it's obvious that the newer members of the group haven't taken the time to go back and familiarize themselves with the story. Their comments are still helpful, but the questions they usually ask would have been answered if they'd read the beginning of the story. The same thing has happened to the others, that is why we decided to get together on our own.
An advantage to us meeting like this is even though we have read the beginning of each other's story, we weren't all clear as to where the story was headed. Now we are. Last night gave us the opportunity to share that. Now I have a better understanding of what to look for because I know where the author is trying to go with their story, and can adjust my critique accordingly.
Like I said at the beginning, I think this will work out for all of us. I'll let you know in a couple of months how successful we are.
This week I will again share a scene from my book "The Princess and the Apprentice." This is when Odessa first learns she has the power of a Blood Mage. Any comments are greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading.
Odessa held Aldan’s hand as she stood and gazed down at his ashen face. Tears burned her cheeks as fear and helplessness knotted her up inside. A longing for the ability to help him filled her in a way nothing else ever had. She only half listened as the old woman gave instructions for Jon and Derek to retrieve the bodies of the outlaws, lay them behind the barn and remove all evidence from the road.
At a gentle touch
on her elbow, the princess turned and stared into the face of a mature woman
with glossy black hair and milky white skin. It was the eyes that made her
stare. Irises the color of old blood surrounded pupils that were no larger than
the head of a pin. A tight, humorless smile revealed a set of perfect white
teeth.
Not pleased with
the deception, Odessa stood straight and glared at the other woman. “Is this an
illusion or was it the other?”
“Both are
illusions. My true form is no longer pleasant to look upon.”
“Why?”
“Men are never
intimidated by an old, fragile appearing woman but that is no longer important.
Come, you and I have much to discuss. You stand at a crossroad in your life and
what I have to offer may not be what you truly want.” With that she clamped
down on Odessa’s hand with an iron grip and attempted to pull her from the room
but the princess refused to move.
“I will not leave
Aldan alone.”
“There is enough
magic in the staff and tome to keep your young mage alive for now. Whether he
continues to live or not depends on you. We haven’t much time. Come.”
This time, Odessa
allowed the woman to lead her out of the room and over to the table which now
contained a pot of tea and two cups, steam rising from the contents. She
refused to drink anything offered; instead she focused her attention on the
woman seated across the table.
“Who are you?”
“I am Alicia
Gertrude d’Morano, Queen of a kingdom that no longer exists in the memories of
men, and a Blood Mage. I have waited for generations beyond counting for
someone like you who I could pass on the knowledge I have gained.”
“If you are such a
powerful mage, why don’t you just heal Aldan and let us be on our way?”
“I have the
knowledge but no longer have the power. You have the power buried deep inside
you but not the knowledge. The choice is yours. Accept my offer and Aldan will
live. If not, he will die.”
Odessa slumped
back in her chair, eyes shut tightly as the realization washed over her that
Aldan had become more important to her than anything else. Would it enhance
their relationship if they both were mages or just the opposite? She decided it
didn’t matter.
“What must I do?”
“Kill me.”
Her chair crashed
to the floor as Odessa recoiled in horror as if struck a physical blow. Body
trembling, she stared at the once queen, revolted by her words. A moment passed
before she could whisper, “I cannot.”
“You can and you
will if you wish for that young man of yours to live. Don’t you understand?
With every fiber of my being, I want to die. Only by the hand of another mage
will my journey finally come to an end.”
She reached under
the table and produced a normal sized book, bound in a style similar to Aldan’s
Tome of Magic. The Blood Mage stood up and beckoned Odessa towards the bedroom.
The princess followed slowly, tears blinding her sight.
Once inside, the
old woman laid the book on a table next to the bed and instructed Odessa to
remove the tome and staff and place them on the floor at the end of the bed.
She managed to lift the tome off of Aldan’s chest but the staff refused to be
removed from his hand.
Alicia stood,
hands on hips, and stared down at the staff which had begun to glow a weak blue
light. “You don’t have any more power left than I do, you old goat. This is his
only chance and you know it. Now let go.”
After a brief
flare, the glow diminished and Odessa was able to remove the staff. She leaned
it carefully against the end of the bed then followed the mage back to the
table next to Aldan’s head. Alicia lowered herself with a sigh on to the chair
beside the table and pulled out a small, thin bladed dagger. She pricked the
end of her finger and squeezed until a drop of blood appeared, then handed the
dagger to Odessa with instructions to do the same.
As the drop of
blood fell from Alicia’s finger to the face of the book, she intoned, “With
this token of my blood, I release all previous claims to you.”
As the drop of her
blood landed next to the other, Odessa forced words past the tightness in her
throat and spoke as instructed. “With this token of my blood, I lay claim to
this book as mine and no one else’s.”
With her features
beginning to blur, the Blood Mage gently wrapped her fingers around Odessa’s
and placed the point of the dagger against her chest. With eyes closed, she
continued, “My life I give freely for the purpose of restoring the life of
another.”
Alicia’s eyes
snapped open and locked onto Odessa’s. “Now push!”
With a cry of
anguish, Odessa forced her trembling body to press the blade through the
woman’s ribs and into her heart. The body collapsed in upon itself as a wave of
power and euphoria washed over her. The book slowly opened with a sound like
rusted hinges and a voice whispered in her mind, “Let us begin.”
